The kung fu troll in 8 easy lessons

If you belong to my Facebook group Real Kung Fu Application, you saw some house cleaning recently. Two rather straight forward posts magically brought the kung fu trolls out of the woodwork. Of course, this also let me REMOVE THEM.

Really, they had already shown their true colors from the beginning. That’s because they all inevitably exhibit the same characteristics time and time again. There are probably the top 8 easy ways to spot the kung fu troll.

1. Their Facebook profiles might as well be Russian news bots. Their icon pic is often something obscure, or a small grainy picture you can barely make out. They is virtually nothing explaining where and with whom they train (much more on that later), there may be a few still pictures of some poses straight out of “kung fu theatre” and there is most definitely NO VIDEO of them doing martial arts.

2. They usually show up in a discussion when they either comment about something that is NOT being actually discussed, or insert some ludicrous claim that immediately demands addressing.

3. After they make some mind boggling absurd claim like “I killed 10 guys once in a fight, I used my spear” (!) they will immediately get upset when questioned. They will then REFUSE to provide context, explanation, or most importantly EVIDENCE.

4. They will say they practice some martial art NO ONE HAS EVER HEARD OF and act like it’s world famous and should instantly bring them not only credibility but reverence.

5. Most often, they will when questioned refuse to identify their teacher. If not this situation, they will name some one no one has ever heard of, act like they are the most famous teacher ever, and then refuse to provide more information.

6. Inevitably, they will continue to make impossible, absurd claims. They are world champions, but often in secret events that they can’t talk about. They’ve beaten big name fighters, but can’t talk about it (it’s secret). They got “black belts” in 27 styles, some in 8 months or less! the longer you listen, the more they sound like the scripts to grade C martial arts movies.

7. Often a closer look at their Facebook profile will show they have at best a highschool education. If the profile doesn’t outright tell you this, their grammar, spelling and disregard of dumb stuff like facts and science are usually the next big hint. Now, there are ton of fine people who ONLY have a highschool education, but there IS a strong relationship between lack of education and buying into fake things.

8. And, of course, when they can’t provide any evidence, can’t keep up with a discussion and are called on the many inconsistencies in what they say, they have nothing left but the INTERNET CHALLENGE! These have several variations, though often they involve promises of money (of which there is no evidence it exists), uniform considerations, footwear rules and finally a complete absence of practical logistical considerations like “you live in Texas and the person you challenged live in Sweden”.

I promised eight, you got eight, but I will conclude with another observation;

No one who has real training in a real martial art under a real teacher seems to believe these sorts of things, and doesn’t ever act this way.